Thursday, July 28, 2011

King Kunda Promises Hope For All

I would like to personally congratulate Mick Newell on his victory in the Calliope Classic. He has been justly rewarded for his immense dedication and motivation towards the sport of cycling.
But I would also like others to know there is hope for all of you yet. I'm talking about the ones with ill-discipline, poor diets and lack of motivation.

I have decided, after much pressure from my many hoards of fans to come out of retirement for just one race. I have decided to ride the Hyne Timber Criterium on September 10. I want to come up against this well oiled, supremely executed man machine named Mick Newell and see just how good he is with my own two eyes.

Of course in the lead up to this event, I will take my preparation very seriously. I will continue with my diet as I always have. For example on Saturday I had a Big Mac deal, on Sunday I had a Big Mac Deal (it is hard to go past these new specials of only $5-95 between 1 and 2 pm). Today was much healthier, I started the day with a mandarin and three weet-bix; smoko was a spring roll and Coke; lunch was a salami roll followed by six cinnamon donuts from Coles (on special for only $1, how could I resist) and another Coke; afternoon tea was some crackers with Hommas, a Mars Bar and another Coke; dinner was meatballs, carrots and brocolli, followed by ice-cream and custard.

I will also employ the same coaching staff I have always used - me, myself and I. And I will train twice a week, 40km on Saturday, 100km on Sunday, for the next six weeks, starting from this Saturday.

Then I will come up to Maryborough and tear the legs off the B-grade field. I will do this in the nicest possible way, only to show people that you can still be a bit overweight, eat crap food every day of your life, train when you feel like it and there is nothing better to do, and still be the KING of your DESTINY.